Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Just Craptastic

Pardon my French but that is how I am feeling.  February was kind of a bust. Besides coming home from a fabulous trip at the beginning of the month, I am going to write February off as a month I don't need to ever do again.  Especially the last week.

Craptastic Week Part 1
The teenagers car went A.W.O.L.  As in just not there.  As in gone, baby, gone.  It was a perfectly nice Presidents Day.  Kids were home from school whining that they were bored.  I was trying to do laundry when I decided to ease all of our suffering and get pizza.  When I came back to the house I noticed the man/boy's car was gone.  Hmmm.  Where did he go without telling me?  But there he was in the house. Without thinking much was wrong I asked him where his car was.  Did he park somewhere different?  He went outside and came back in.  Are you joking he asked?  Had I moved the car?  We both went outside and stood in the spot where the car should be.  It. Was. Gone.

One hour and one cop visit later the reality settled in that our car had been stolen right from in front of our house.  And we did not have the insurance to cover it.  We were out one vehicle to drive to early morning seminary, high school, work, dates and activities.  Just. Great.

Craptastic Week Part 2
My completely awesome husband took over the extra driving duties and my body settled in with a nice, powerful, COLD!  Coughing, achy, fever, yuck.  It hit hard and I was out of commission.  I was the kind of miserable that doesn't remember what it's like to feel good.  My doctor/hubby finally decided it was the flu and brought home the good drugs.  I love good drugs.  It was Friday night, I was starting to feel just a little normal when I sent my Scouts off to the mountains to camp in the snow for the night. Unfortunately my body was not done betraying me.

Craptastic Week Part 3
My right side had been aching a bit that week but I chalked it up to the aches and pains of being sick and maybe a pulled muscle from coughing up a lung all week.  But by Saturday morning around 6am I knew it was more than that.  It hurt to walk, talk, sit and lay down. Since my doctor was playing Mountain Man, I texted his partner who analyzed my symptoms and told me to get a CAT scan.  Man/boy was still asleep, hubby gone.  I did not want to go alone.  So I called the next best thing.  DAAAADDDY!  Two hours, one gross drink and one CAT scan later, it was decided I had an appendicitis.  Nice.

I had been texting my husband but knew he would not be coming down the mountain until 2 or 3 pm.  I was freaking out just a bit.  My dad took me to the ER, I checked in.  They asked if I had a living will.  Really?  Does that instill confidence in your facility? I changed into my lovely open back ball gown and waited.

Then, miracle of miracles, my husband calls.  They were coming home early because of cold and snow (huh?  I thought that was the point of the trip but I was not complaining).  He was a bit amazed at my current situation. He showed up just in time, looking a smelling a bit like Grizzly Adams, but I did not care.

(I really would have liked the paisley)

So one pokey IV, cold OR, warm blanket, and anesthetist later, I was minus one pesky appendix.  Let the morphine drip begin.  In my drowsy state I was trying to think of the upside things.  I asked my husband how much an appendix weighs.  Unfortunately it is a very small organ.  Little did I know the benefits would come from having no appetite afterward for over a week  and being too sore and tired to move.  6lbs down.  I call it the Craptastic Diet.

Craptastic Epilogue
My son's car was found a few days ago in the parking lot of a grocery store near our house.  The stereo was gone but his David Archuleta CD and scriptures were still there.  There is no accounting for taste.

Having my appendix out did not cure my cold overnight.  I still had a  cough.  Trying not to cough after surgery was a whole new dimension of willpower and pain.

My fantastic family and friends have been taking good care of me.  Enough food was brought over to feed a small army.  Which is good because I have one.  My mom came over daily and did dishes and laundry.  DAAADDDY did a lot of the driving.  My TIVO did the entertaining and my hubby provided the hand holding and really good drugs.  I love good drugs.


Jenny P. said...

I'm glad that even a crappy week like that can have happy endings.

Secret Mom Thoughts said...

Wow that was craptastic. Hope you are feeling better soon.

TisforTonya said...

I'm pretty sure "craptastic" just doesn't cover that week... I'm going to upgrade it to "Sucktacular"... you're welcome.

I'm sure you rocked that open back ballgown

If I were closer I'd be there in a heartbeat with more food for your small army - because we all know that's the cure for what ails you... you've got to get better quickly to return all the tupperware :)

Vanessa said...

Oh My gosh, what a horrible month... I am s sorry for all the crap, I am glad the car was found. Yay for the lost 6 pounds... But I am pretty sure I found them. I am glad you are back to blogging world. you have been missed.

Kristina P. said...

I had my appendix out when I was 8. I have a really long, nasty scar. With technology today, yours will probably look like a flower.

Unknown said...

OH Linda! I'm miserable just reading this. So sorry!

shortmama said...

Wow that was far beyond a crappy week!

Peggy K said...

Hey, so good to hear from you again...even if last month maxed out your suck-o-meter!! Time to turn this all around. So feel free to share any lovely dreams you had whilst partaking in those very good drugs. We'll interpret them for you!

Jocelyn Christensen said...

Well now you are just trying to out-do all of us on crappy months now arent you. well WIN! Now don't you feel good!!!??

Sorry about all the weird, unnecessary craziness!

AB said...

Good drugs and daddy. What would life be like without them? Not to mention the most excellent grizzly adams smelling husband. At least craptastic was surrounded by love and support!
I think you should give up Crap for Lent ;)

Karen Mortensen said...

Wow. What a week. Glad you are on the mend.

Leanne said...

Holy Cow!!! What a crappy crappy month - yuck! I've been doing weight watchers since the new year - I'm thinking your craptastic diet is definitely NOT worth the trouble, but I'll keep it in mind. So sorry for all this mess you've been dealing with. Hang in there - thinking of you!

Mandy said...

My goodness, gracious!! If craptastic was ever an accurate description - it was to describe your week! Glad the car is back.. hope you're healing well!

Jessica G. said...

And did they really need a model for the hospital gown? Shouldn't they really show it from all angles so we know just how little rear coverage to expect?

Sorry your week sucked so royally but hey! At least you still have the David A. cd! Silver lining, baby!

Aunt Suzi Quilts said...

Okay, so I'm way behind in my blogging/reading and can't believe what you survived in February. So glad the cd, scriptures, and car were found. Sorry you had been sick. Glad you have shared this, as it makes things seem like I'll survive the little stupid stuff.


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