Thursday, June 3, 2010

How I Plan on Getting Fat this Summer


I seem to have a plan, no matter how unintentional the plan was.  But at the rate this non-intended-plan is going I will have reached my non-intended goal in no time.  My plan seems to be to get as little done as possible and get fat while doing it.  It goes something like this:

1. Sleep in every morning until 9 or 10 am because I can.  Because there is no school to get to, no diapers to change and my kids are perfectly happy eating popsicles for breakfast.

2.  Pay for a gym membership.  Buy gym clothes. Every-night when I go to bed plan on going to the gym in the morning.  Wake up at 9 or 10 am and NOT go to the gym.

3. Eat two bowls of cereal upon waking up.  Watch Gilmore Girls and So You Think You Can Dance on my Tivo.

4. Watch my kids swim, get exercise and sun while I watch, still wearing High School Musical jammies.

5.  Take kids to Denny's to celebrate the end of the school year and order a "French Toast Slam".  Which is also known as a "Vanishing Waist-line and Cholesterol Slam".

6.  Eat TWO Weight Watchers fudgesicles for a snack.

7.  Watch the kids do the Wii Fit and think "I should do that." Then go eat some jelly beans.

8. Drive to the mailbox which is 20 yards away.

9. Sit and read blogs every chance I get. All. Day. Long.

10. Stay up late, thus getting hungry again and make a large bowl of popcorn.

Now this non-plan may not work for everyone.  Like someone with a high, under 40, metabolism.  Or someone with any ounce of willpower.  But it seems to be my plan for the last few days. And with my 25 year high school reunion one month away it is my best game plan for winning the award for "the most changed."

Linda

38 comments:

Secret Mom Thoughts said...

Love the non plan. It would totally work for me too. Wish my kids would let me sleep till 9 or 10. In a couple of years...

Kristina P. said...

These are my plans too. Oh, except for that pesky full-time job part. But I guess that's where I will be reading blogs all day.

Pearl said...

Sounds like a good non plan to me. Especially the popcorn part. I love popcorn.

And if you are referring to me as one of those, "high, younger than 40, metabolism" people, I totally take offense. Ok, I don't. I'm kidding. And I know someday all the junk I eat will catch up to me, so why not enjoy it while I can??

Amy R. Nelson said...

I don't think the popcorn one counts. One serving of popcorn counts as a serving of whole grains. Try again. One weak link and the whole plan might fall apart!

MommyJ said...

Oh you are hilarious. I'm all about having a nonplan... it's absolutely helping me to NOT lose any baby weight.

Jocelyn Christensen said...

OOh, you are sure to WIN You over-achiever you!

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

Gosh at least you HAVE a non-plan! I need to be more like you and have a non-plan.
Geez, where are my priorities?

Lisa said...

One more reason to love you. Two weight watchers fudgesicles...THAT is my favorite.

One Cluttered Brain said...

Where did YOU get that picture!!!

i love the fat barbie and the laptop!!!

Yeah, yeah, i am actually making real goals this summer and sticking to them because i am tired of NOT being organized.

Kids will have a schedule, and will practice the subjects they need to practice BEFORE they start up again.

And I will attempt cleaning, dishes, bathrooms, mopping floors, vaccuming WITH my kids.

They will learn how to work. I will teach them.

AND i will still blog and comment.

'Cause if I left that, oh man my life would be very boring indeed.

And don't forget laundry.
*sigh*

We need to set up a bloggy lunch sometime. I don't care when. July, August whenever is good for you. Tonya, you know T from Casual blogger, lives in St. George UT, if you want, and is NOT too much of an inconvience for you, you could drive up here to Mesquite, and then we could drive to St. George UT for a blog get-together. Lunch and entertainment.
Something like that.

You game?

Wow. i just wrote an extremely
L-o-n-g comment. sorry. I guess i can be quite verbose when I want to be.

One Cluttered Brain said...

And that is before SCHOOL starts up again.
i swear i need a comment editor.
And those were suppose to be question marks after the first statement.

WHERE did you find that picture???

*sigh*

Oh jeez. I'm losing my comment touch.

One Cluttered Brain said...

And I also LOVE the fact that you ate jellybeans.

Oh how i love jellybeans. good luck on that gym membership this summer.

I'll work out on my treadmill to support you K?

Momza said...

My old-self woulda said,
"Scoot Over!"
but my new "body-bugg-wearin-lost-two-pounds-already-this-week" self says,
Don't Do It!!!
"cept for the jelly beans. g'head with those.

Karen Mortensen said...

I like 1, 9 and 10. I plan on doing a lot of that this summer.

Joy said...

Hi Linda! Thanks so much for stopping by and for the kudos regarding my art! xoxo

cannwin said...

You get to sleep in?!

AB said...

I'm already fat, so I'll get in the pool and avoid the jelly beans...but I'll still be blogging and reading all about your fattening adventures!

val m said...

I love to watch "Biggest Loser" with a tall glass of milk and 6 OREOs!! I sit and watch and think about how great I will look in a few months and how I REALLY will start my diet tomorrow!! I started doing this after the 1st season and I've dropped about 7 pounds - that is dropped them right into my belly!!!

Saimi said...

And that my friend, is why I love summer!

Krista said...

I get no summer. Please feel sorry for me while I go to work FT where i sit on my butt all day, school two nights a week sitting on my butt some more, reading blogs and trying to write one sitting on my butt. Too bad we can't get our computers to be generated by a treadmill or something.

Garden of Egan said...

Oh honey!!! I'm doing that one too!
It's nice to know that I'm doing something so popular!!!!

I hope you aren't still up reading blogs. You really should get to bed early enough that you'll be able to get up by 11:00 and watch Gilmore Girls.

Leanne said...

You're not right! (Which, translated, means: You are RIGHT ON!!!) So funny! I'm working on #10 this very minute!

Charlotte said...

Now this is a summer diet plan I can follow. Good luck "winning" your high school reunion award!

Annette Lyon said...

Perfect plan. It matches mine frightfully closely.

I got lucky in that I was awarded the "crappy post-30 metabolism," so the last 6 years, I've totally rocked the plan even when I TRY not to.

Makenzie said...

- My Non-Plan to Get Fit:
Say "I'll go running tomorrow"... every day.
- Purchase ice cream in large quantities thinking "This could last me a month!"
- Not purchase vegetables.
- Justify that a little extra weight did not kill anyone.
- Compare myself to contestants on Biggest Loser and think I am completely healthy and do not need to run a marathon.

MrsDixon said...

Oh my gosh, you are so funny! Now that you mention it, I think I have been doing this all year....And why is it that we women buy the gym membership and clothes, then never go? Let me know if you find a cure for this...

Evelyn @ Hanging by a Silver Lining said...

Catching up with you Linda! You're always good for a barrel of laughs! :D Oh how I have missed See Mom Smile!

sarah said...

I have something for you!!! Come check it out!

http://nodontandstop.blogspot.com/2010/06/remember-me.html

Have a good day!!! :)

Susie @ A Slice of My Life said...

Finally a plan I can actually stick to! Thanks for the grin

Sell...Party Of 4 said...

just what I needed to hear.

this is my kind of plan.

fo realz.

Lourie said...

I have one more week to go before I get to start sleeping in. I am ready to just say, "School's out!!" hahaha. I like your plan. It works for me. Except for jelly beans. I will take M&M's. ;)

PS LOVE that Barbie! Still laughing!

annie valentine said...

Welcome to another installment of, "This is your life."

reasonably chubby said...

I'm right there with ya sister! :) Ahhh, summertime and the livin is easy.Let's pinky swear we will not mention the word 'bathing suits' ever again. Anyway, I don't think anybody over 40 should wear a bathing suit EVER. Even though I just did to go to the ocean. It was against my will, I promise. However, after the crowd ran screaming for their eye protection, we did have a nice patch of private beach all to ourselves.

Dalia - Gen X Mom said...

I love this plan. Sounds very familiar! But it is so much fun. :)

shortmama said...

Forget my lose more weight this summer plan....this sounds so much better!

Mary said...

Wow, so far our summers are going to be identical.

T said...

8 days until my High School reunion... I was GOING to try to lose 17 pounds, but this sounds like MUCH more fun (and striking similar to how my summer is going - minus the fudgesicles of course)

Amy said...

I love your plan. I'm doing the eat any second I can because I am going to start dieting in a week and then I won't be able to eat any of the yummy stuff I have stashed and hidden through out the kitchen, my office and my car. :)

Lindsay said...

Way funny, I just did a post similar to this, we are never up before 9!!!

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