Thursday, March 18, 2010

Scripturally Dysfunctional

So now that I have you all thinking that I am raising smart, spiritual kids, I will let you in on the deterioration of our family scripture reading last night.(Yes, we try to read every night.  No, it does not happen every night. But I am still hoping for brownie points for thinking about it.  Or maybe just a brownie.  Forget the points.)

The hubby and 12 yr old are not home (Yes, I am a brave woman for attempting this on my own). 

I call the 8 and 5 year old to come read pretend like they're listening to scriptures.  They will not leave Sponge Bob and I am too tired to argue.  

So 14 yr. old Sassy, 16 yr old Man/Boy and 18 yr old Co-ed come with little coercion.  

I put on my reading glasses and maybe get two verses in when the conversation turned to an argument Sassy and Man/Boy got in yesterday.  It was on the very important topic of Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez.  

He's gay boy.

She's a lesbian. 

Let's just say it ended with Man/Boy saying he liked hot lesbians 

Oh please forgive them.  Can we continue? Two more verses read.

Man/Boy, who is really into jokes these days,...I bought an Eminem for 50 Cents.  That was Ludacris!  
Okay, we all laughed.  (Yes, I know who all those guys are.  I am a cool mom like that)

So this reminds Sassy of her new funny... If you Kanye me, I'll Chris Brown you and Tiger Woods your mom.  

I try to look motherly and astonished.  That is not an appropriate joke.  Do you know what "Tiger Woods your mom" means?  

Sassy says, Yes and I became a fan of it on Facebook!  

These are the angels I am raising.  Two more verses.  

Sassy then shares why she is glad she took health online and not in school.

They show pictures of real body parts with diseases! 

 Co-ed chimes in about a scene in Mean Girls with bananas and condoms. (Note to self, do not let them watch Mean Girls again).  This then turns into a conversation about sexual attraction and why ugly people end up with hot people.  And any of those conversations turn into why "boys are dumb" from both my girls.  

We finish a chapter somehow.  The little guys have appeared because Sponge Bob was over.  Time for prayer.  The girls are pillow fighting, the dogs are chasing each other in circles and I am saying a silent prayer that God will see that I tried and forget the rest of what He may have heard.  



Serene is my name, not my life! said...

Just to show how un-cool I am, the only name I recognized was Tiger Woods. But I think Chris Brown is an actor?
It also happens to be the name of the Young Women's President in my ward.

I love family scripture "reading" time! =)

Kristina P. said...

I really need to join that Facebook group. That is hilarious.

I think I would rather be Kanye'd rather than Chris Browned. What about Paris Hiltoned?

And you had me at castrating Mario Lopez.

Lisa said...

I think things get harder when you try to do the right thing...We inevitably always fail at our scripture reading. Brownie points for the intent of my heart?

Thanks for stopping by my blog and becoming a follower.

Lourie said...

Hahahaha! Oh my goodness! At least you are trying which is far better than what I am doing *cough* nothing. I say you get the points, the whole pan of brownies and NO calories. haha.

Vanessa said...

I admire your determination to get it done! :-D

Krista said...

We have strange FHE's, too. I can't blame this one on my kids, but I thought you might appreciate this story. BTW, loved your story. So funny!

Julia said...

Scripture time at your house makes for great posts I see.

Anonymous said...

this post had me laughing...out loud!!! our scripture studies are nearly that exciting, but maybe its something i can look for in the future!

note to self: dont let the kids watch "MEAN GIRLS". EVER!

Evelyn said...

Crud. I thought for sure it was going to get better when my kids were that old. Thanks for destroying my sense of hope.

P.S. Your kids are hilarious.

P.P.S You sound like a much cooler mom than my mom. She would have spanked us and sent us to bed long before it ever got to bananas and condoms.

Saimi said...

I'm sure everyone in Heaven was passing around the brownies and getting quite the laugh!

Unknown said...

Love it!

Let's go get brownies.

Anonymous said...

Awesomest post I've read all week! I made my husband pause his TV show to read him those jokes. Thanks for the laugh - and the reminder that I didn't give birth to the only inappropriate kids in the world!

AiringMyLaundry said...


Anonymous said...

Again, so funny. Just reference Elder Bednar's talk often. If the kids of an apostle get mad at each other for stealing air, I'm sure it's just fine your kids talk about condoms during scriptures... or at least they will be fine one day... hopefully...?

jen@ricochet said...

I don't want to be a blog stalker!
So big hi, hello, how are ya!

Love your blog! Loved this post! I don't have kids yet, but I can most definitely see our scripture reading going much the same way. Of course we've fallen off the wagon! It's too easy right?

Read your "Get to Know Me" post and we've got common ground sister! I thought about renaming my blog TMI. It truly is TMI! I love Sci-fi. My hubby is Hawaiian. I hula and my Tu-tu (grandmother-in-law) has given me the same middle name and introduces me that way when we perform. And oh yea, my hubs is a lifer and I'm a convert.

Nice to meet you in the blogosphere.

Mary said...

So glad it's not just my family.


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