Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Yea, he said that.


I have not written about weight a lot.  It is a sensitive issue for most.  Not so much for me.  It is what it is.  Since I have been married I have always been thin-ish.  Even between the  fat-inducing babies, the weight would come off.  Don't hate me.

Then I turned 40-ish.

The habits I had formed for the last 20 years have caught up with me.  Just a bit.  And these habits have gone straight to my tummy.  That seems to be where I store my Cokes, brownies, hamburgers, fries, Cherry Limeades and late night buttered popcorn.  And and don't forget to super-size all that.  With little effort I can appear to be 6 mos pregnant.  We don't know the sex yet but we think it will be shaped like a Gingerbread man.

Then there is my husband.  He eats really healthy unless I can entice him to the dark side.  Which seems to be easier the older we get. It's the dark side or go hungry.  But even then he knows how to eat in moderation.  He doesn't feel the need to eat the entire pan of brownies as I do.  What is that about?  And he stays thin. You are allowed to hate him.

I have decided he is going outlive me.  Which is fine.  Then he will have to live alone, not me.  If it was me living the end of my life alone they would have to extract my 700 lb. self from my bed, into my casket, with a forklift.

Well he may live longer.  If I don't kill him first.

A few days ago I asked him the age old question that every woman knows you should never ask.  I guess like most women, I didn't think he would actually tell me.

Me (standing in front of the bathroom mirror): Do you think I should lose some weight?

Still alive husband:  I love you just the way you are.

(So far so good. But I had to push it further.)

Me: So if I never lost any weight stayed this way for the rest of my life, you would be completely satisfied?

Still alive husband: Well....(here it comes), you may be more attractive visually if you lost some weight...

Yea, he said that.



And right then he was more attractive to me, with my foot in his crotch. You know, visually.

Linda

* Picture is fictional.  Any resemblance to actual legs, feet or crotches is strictly coincidental.

29 comments:

Amy said...

don't you just hate that 40-ish change of metabolism? I've stayed within a 5 lb of my wedding weight for years (other than pregnancy and immediately after) and suddenly I'm more than that and it sucks. My husband is like you and says it like it is. "More attractive" meaning you're still hot "to me" but others would see it too if you lost that new weight. The favorite thing my husband does (note sarcasm) is says, "how weird that you gained your weight here (pointing) this time."

T said...

I'm pretending that I'm mature for my age - because my metabolism went to pot at 35... if it gets any worse at 40 (man that is coming up quickly!) I may have to kill myself - or the ManOfTheHouse if he says a single word.

Amy R. Nelson said...

Dangerous ground! I just had a long conversation with my sisters-in-law about questions like that. If they answer them correctly we think they're insincere, but if they are honest we're mad at them. Though knowing that they can't win doesn't stop us from asking!!

Jocelyn Christensen said...

Oh my, that picture cracks me up!

foxy said...

Okay, I hate him. Thanks for your permission. ;) I hate dealing with weight issues, but at least my hubs is in the same boat.

And that photo cracks me up.

Kami said...

Most awesome picture ever. 'Oh No He Didn't' is my reply to the honest husband but 'haha' to that photo.

So what will you name your 'gingerbread' man? I'm probably having a 'cake' monster so we're on the same boat.

Love the post!

Makenzie said...

Yeah and him having the body of Hugh Jackman might make him more visually attractive... But we both know that's not happening. :)

Karen Mortensen said...

Well, you asked.
Just wait till you get 50ish. That's when the fun starts.

Kristina P. said...

We had an intern that worked with us who had the sad fortune of having a body where she always looked pregnant. Seriously. She wasn't just a little squishy around her midsection. She had a basketball there. ANd would wear really clingy shirts. It took us about 3 weeks before we realized she wasn't pregnant.

Love the crotch picture. I love any picture with crotch.

T said...

okay, I must know - did you actually TAKE this picture... or just what exactly is it you typed into Google Images to come up with the perfect visual "kickin' a man where it hurts"?

One Cluttered Brain said...

LOL! HA! I love the picture!
Men need only to please their wives...
And sometimes lie if they have too...lol.
Weight--It's a weighty issue...
PUN intended.

Lisa said...

WHAT WERE YOU THINKING WHEN YOU ASKED HIM THE QUESTION?! Geez, I thought I'd taught you better about denial than that. See, if you never SAY THE WORDS, it never exists. Don't say sex and your kids won't have it. Don't say lose weight, and you don't need to. You done brung this on yourself by giving voice to thoughts. Foolish, foolish woman. Still, crotch kick well deserved.

Secret Mom Thoughts said...

Love the picture. He deserved it.

Cheeseboy said...

Well, the whole post was great but this part made me laugh the hardest:

We don't know the sex yet but we think it will be shaped like a Gingerbread man.

We husbands are so screwed when it comes to questions like that.

Jackie said...

You are right. reading your blog IS like looking into my future.

I better change my eating habits now...

Linda's non-blogging husband said...

I'm feeling a little blog hate ... and even my daughter is getting in the mix. I just wanna be loved! (my word verification: joyegg)

Saimi said...

Hahaha, Linda you do have a way with words, obviously your husband does not!

Leanne said...

OH NO HE DIDN'T!!! (insert "Z" Formation snaps here)

purseblogger said...

Oh girl! I so would have kicked him too LOL! You should put this down for Oh No He Didn't meme on Tuesdays. It's perfect!

Jessica G. said...

HAHAHAHAH! (Not about the weight part but about the foot-in-the-crotch part...)

The Princess of Sarcasm said...

Hysterical. I cannot believe you allowed him to live. Rookie mistake.....

I think I'll follow you so I can see if you let him wake up tomorrow.

Lourie said...

How long was it before he came to? Hahaha.

Scentsy said...

That's one brave man! And he's still alive to tell about it, which is also shocking? :)

Linda's Big Brother said...

Linda - We love you just they way you are.

shortmama said...

My hubs is the crappy eater but he never gains and ounce and Im the one who is always making the effort to watch what I eat and Im the one with the weight issues....so unfair!

Much More Than Mommy said...

Wowsers.

When I was pregnant with #2, I called The Husband and for some strange reason told him what the number on the scale had been. You know what he said? "You could be a linebacker for the Dolphins." Seriously.

I couldn't be too upset though -- he was right.

Ipo said...

okay, I just love this picture! and this post. yes, it is the age old trap that we spring on our husbands every so often. but if it's 'age-old' why don't they know how to appropriately answer the question??

you're hilarious!! just thought i'd let you know...in case you didn't yet.

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

Can I just say how much I loved your husband's comment?
And is it just me or was your brother just trying to butter you up?

Anyhow, I laughed, I cried, and my husband's lucky it wasn't him, or he would be dead. :D

Charlotte said...

Your husband should have faked a heart attack to get out of answering! I had the exact same problem only it was at 20-ish and I still haven't learned to eat better than I did as a teenager.

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