Saturday, April 10, 2010

Molested at Target

I usually don't post on Saturday.  But If I don't write about this now I'll have to go into therapy and blogging is cheaper.

I slept in and woke up to birds chirping, piano playing, dogs barking, kids riding big wheels in the backyard.  Perfect.

I quickly made a to do list in my head, because that is always reliable (extreme sarcasm).  I got dressed and asked my 15 yr fashion consultant if my blouse made me look like a butterfly.

Yes, a little.

Oh well.  I did not change.  It's spring and I like butterflies.   I went to Target as-is and hoped I did not run into anyone with butterfly net.

Let me say right now, I love Target.  Now I know lots of women say that but I REALLY love Target.  I want to marry it and have little Target babies of my very own that sing cute Target commercials.  

My mental list first told me to look at shoes.  I needed wanted a pair of strappy black heels.  And there they were.   $24.99.  More Target love points.  Then I needed a birthday gift for my TanMan to take to a 13yr old boy birthday party.  Normally I would head straight to the iTunes gift cards but I was feeling a bit creative so I headed to the camping section.  I pick out a headlamp and mini lantern.  I was feeling a bit awesome for those choices.  Then I passed the CDs and the Glee soundtrack sung to me.  I had been meaning to download some songs but had not so I bought the entire CD.  Feeling a little more awesome.

I was really on a roll when I remembered to actually pick up a gift bag, tissue paper and birthday card.  Now, I did not have a cart.  I think that if I don't get a cart I won't spend as much.  But I am amazed at how much I can actually carry in my arms.  For this trip I was piling things in my cute shoes box.  So by the time I got to the check out I was ready to dump on the conveyor belt.

When I approached there was no room quite yet for my stuff.  There was a seemingly normal looking man in front of me.  He was wearing a puffy down vest.  That should have been my first clue.  As soon as there was room for my stuff he turned to me, took my box of goodies out of my arms and laid them on the conveyor belt.  He even put the space-bar-thingy between our stuff.  My first thought was how chivalarous that was and I told him so because I was still feeling the Target love.

But then chivalry turned to creepiness.  For some reason after he took the box from my arms and I said thank you, I felt the need to point out to him the box lines on my arm.  And Mr. Puffy Vest took that as an invitation to touch my arm.

Not just touch it, but rub it.

With both hands.

Even above my elbows.

No one except my husband gets to rub above my elbows.  And that's on a good day.

He said "Does that feel good?  I am a physcial therapist."

And that gives you permission to feel up arms of complete strangers in Target?

I was dumbfounded, grossed out and in shock.  I am not sure if I said anything.  Should I give him my phone number after this?  Are we dating now?

After what seemed like an eternity, but was probably only 10 seconds he stopped molesting me and started touching my stuff.  No I had not paid for it yet but I had already bonded with it and it was mine.  I have to wear those shoes to church buddy!

He asked me questions about the lantern, where do my kids go to school.  He proceeded to tell me about his son's scholarship to UNLV.  He had procreated?  Of course he had and it had probably happened in line at Target.

I think I was polite though inside I was throwing up.

And as quickly as our relationship started, it ended.  He bought his two large bottles of hydrogen peroxide and left.

Peroxide?  Isn't that stuff used to get blood out of things?  He probably had to clean up after molesting women at Wal-Mart and stuffing them in his trunk.

I was dazed as I walked to my car.  I put in my Glee CD and started singing "Someone to Love", at the top of my lungs.  Yea, we all want someone to love, but not in line at Target.

34 comments:

From Tracie said...

That is creepy!!

I think I met that guy in the book aisle at Wal-Mart about five years ago...Scary!!

Here via SITS...have a great Saturday!

Funky Mama Bird said...

Eww. I know whenever I encounter someone like that, I want desperately to run, but instead I always smile politely. I always wonder what's wrong with me that I don't smile and say, "Please stop touch me."

Happy SITS saturday!

reasonably chubby said...

Hey there! Cute Blog! Love your "quotes" on the sidebar... Happy SITS saturday!

a girl in a gorilla suit said...

i would have slapped him up-side the head! what a FREAK!

on a totally different note...i am glad to hear you are a GLEE fan! i, too, have the cd's and listen to them DAILY!---only 3 more days till the season starts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kristina P. said...

I don't know what the problem is. I take any chance to be molested.

Charlotte said...

Creepy!! I had some stranger do that to my stomach when I was pregnant with my first, but at least I could delude myself into thinking he was more socially unaware than full out crazy person.

Did you make sure he didn't follow you home?

Tom and Karen Mortensen said...

Eww, that is creepy. Did you go home and pour clorox over your arm?

Lourie said...

Eeeeew yuck and blah! Eeeww! *Shuders* that is so totally creepy. All of it. I am not sure what I would have done either. But yuck. Glad you survived.

alexis said...

well hello there. thanks for stopping by my blog and making me feel like i may or may not be sitting with very pretty/smart people at cbc. i am very much relieved. and also...i really blame you for the target thing. you initiated a conversation with a man in a puffy vest, so you really deserve what you got. kisses!

Cheeseboy said...

Holy crud, that is pretty creepy. If some dude did that to my wife, I would totally deck him. (Or, more likely, WANT to deck him because really I am a wuse)

Maybe he needed the peroxide to add highlights to his hair?

I worked at Target during college and really liked it there. I am a man that likes Glee? Should I be worried?

Stephanie said...

i want to view the security tape! I wish i was there to talk to puffy vest man!

Stephanie said...

ps. I have caught up on your blog, I had to read quite a few back, I was behind! I read some to jase also, we love it!:)

MommyJ said...

Strangers touching strangers is just all kinds of wrong. And that's all I have to say about that.

Dear Sydney said...

Yep, that's creepy alright! I hope it hasn't tainted your love for Target though ... sounds like the kind of love I have for it. Thanks for stopping by my blog and I'm enjoying reading yours - I'm pretty much over Oprah too :)
Have a great weekend!

Carol said...

That is just so creepy and what can you do about it? Probably nothing which is a shame. I feel sorry if he has a wife or children...

WhisperingWriter said...

Wow, creepy...

I love Glee songs. I downloaded Somebody to Love on iTunes.

w said...

i'm sorry. i'm sorry that i laughed at your entire post. also. maybe your arms are just sexay. creepy men like sexay.

Evelyn Perkins said...

I think I used to lose sleep when I met people like that. Now, I think WooHOO! This is great material for the blog!! Haha! I l.o.v.e. (but not in a creepy Target guy way) the way you write!

MrsDixon said...

"Are we dating now?" ...my favorite!

Just Lisa said...

LMAO! Creepy but funny!

I came by to welcome you to SITS! We're happy to have you with us!

2busy said...

Funny stuff, lady! I would have been asking security to walk me out to the parking lot. Creepy guy!

Linda said...

thanks you all for agreeing with me on the creepiness factor of this encounter. And yes, I do have sexy arms. That was really the problem.

Mary said...

I love Target way more than you do. I am pregnant with Target's lovechild. Yuh-huh!

Sorry about the molester.

Much More Than Mommy said...

EEEK!! There is too much lovin' going on in the Target line! I felt bad for giggling my way through this post!

Jackie said...

Skeezy.

And really a PT? I think not. What a line!

AB said...

Is there such a thing as an arm fetish? Who has an arm fetish? Good times in the Target line. Maybe you'd better take an escort next time.

Robert said...

See what happens when u don't stick to your shopping budget...

Lisa said...

Ew. Just ew. "Does that feel good?" Holy junk, man. Ew. I hope it doesn't taint the Target love from here on out. But if it does, I'll buy you some strappy sandals and send them to you.

ReadingRosie said...

Too creepy and too funny! I enjoy knowing others encounter random acts of strangeness. They seems to follow me around.

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

I bet he uses that line on ALL the women he massages.
Creeeeeeppppyyyy......

Shell said...

Creepy! Though, that last line completely cracked me up!

Stopping in to welcome you to SITS!

Secret Mom Thoughts said...

Totally creepy.

Emily said...

Didn't anyone teach you about stranger danger?!!

Queenie Jeannie said...

That is pretty creepy but I'm sure he was an ok guy. He just needs to be told about boundaries!!

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