Monday, April 19, 2010

Now I am the creepy one at Target...

My day started with a  "Retard Test" (doesn't everyone's?).

5 yr old JarBear:  Mommy I want to give you a retard test.

First I decided that now was not the time to tell him "retard" was not socially correct.

Me:  Okay go ahead.

JarBear:  A purple man lives in the purple house.  A red man lives in the red house.  A blue man lives in the blue house.  So who lives in the white house?

I really was not sure where he was going with this and I hoped it was not a racial joke.  But I looked at the source and decided to continue with the obvious.

Me:  A white man.

Jar Bear,  with much jubilation:  No. The President!  You're retarded!!

Great.  He has figured out already that Mommy is one short of a six-pack.  It usually takes them until at least 13.

So after I dumped loving dropped off kids at school I headed to Target. My love for it was not completely shattered by the molester.  

As I was buying way more than I had originally planned I noticed an older couple (meaning, older than me!) talking above a whisper.

Her: She needs it now.
Him: Can't she wait until her wedding?
Her:  She can't wait until June!  They'll break off by then.

They were standing near the lingerie.  That's all I'm saying.

So, as I was checking out, and no one was molesting my arm, I noticed a guy at the register that was one over from me.  There was a toddler in his cart, no older than 18 mos and a newborn baby girl in his arms (she was wearing pink so I can assume it was a girl).  There was no mama around and he was buying a ton of diapers AND nursing pads.  How dang cute was that?  I mentally added him to my Super Hero list along with Iron Man and Tampon Buying Man.

We were pushing our carts out at the same time.  He was pushing with one arm, still holding his baby.
 I could not help saying to him, "You're such a cute daddy and you buy nursing pads too!  Do you need any help?"  He just smiled and said no thanks.

As I walked to my car I thought "oh my gosh did I just say that?" First, I said he was cute.  Then I mentioned what he had bought, which was already bagged at that point, so he knew I was watching him make his purchases.  Then I asked if I could help.  What was he going to do?  Hand a complete stranger his baby?

He was probably thinking, "Okay creepy lady, get away from me and my kids."  He probably then ran home to tell his wife he was never going to Target again to buy nursing pads.  I just ruined everything for her.  Maybe I should tell her about my molester and I won't seem so bad.


Linda 

31 comments:

Saimi said...

I'm sure the cute man went home and started blogging. I wonder what color his house is....

I played the Glamour game, go check out my lame attempt of trying to be a glamour girl.

Pearl said...

Hahahahahaha! Sorry, I had to laugh. That was funny! I didn't know you were a creepy target lady. I'll have to keep my eyes open for you ;)

Funky Mama Bird said...

Hee! I so don't mean to laugh, and so can't help it. I have to go to target later on today. I think I'm just going to give everyone the stink eye to make them keep their distance!

meredith* said...

I'm off to target today too. hopefully when i buy my tampons and office supplies no one tries to steal my baby or compliment my hygiene products! :)

AB said...

Maybe it's a kind of pay-it-forward molestation virus. Next time Cute Daddy will scare someone in the checkout lane at Target....

Salt said...

Going in to Target and buying way more than you ever planned to is just always the way it has to be.

Thank goodness I don't share an office, because that picture cracked me up. I actually pictured that witch saying just what you said to Cute Nursing Pad Dad.

Kristina P. said...

My husband has a fear of tampons. But he will get a pedicure with me. Go figure.

WhisperingWriter said...

I'm not sure if my husband would buy nursing pads for me. I'm not even sure if he knows what they are.

Jackie said...

Let's do a Google search to see if he blogged about you. That would be RAD

shortmama said...

My hubs must rock because he would buy tampons diapers and nursing pads all in one trip with no problem! Hes just cool like that!

Evelyn Perkins said...

Hmm and I just read a post over on this blog about how this woman's husband got hit on by an outspoken Target-crazed Vegas woman... Coincidence??

P.S. How were my PB cups? :)

Cheeseboy said...

You totally stroked that dude's ego. Men don't think like women. I promise you he went out to his car with his nursing pads thinking "I am the biggest stud ever. My wife is so lucky to have me."

Momza said...

that. was. funny.

2busy said...

I just choked on my diet mt. dew....

Kassie said...

Stopping by from SITS.

he totally thought you were a creeper. Too funny!

Lisa said...

I can totally one up you. Once I was at a Relief Society meeting, and this darling young mother was behind me with a teeny baby. I thought, "You know, she probably could use an older woman's help. She probably wants to hear the speaker and the fussing baby is keeping her from doing so." So I got up, went to her row (one behind me) and knelt down next to her. She looked startled. "Can I take your baby?" "NO!" "I'd love to take her for you." "NO, THAT'S OK. I'M SORRY! IS SHE BOTHERING YOU? I'LL TAKE HER OUT!" And she did. I know. I'm an idiot.

Krista said...

Doesn't it make you look forward to being old so we can get away with saying anything. Like, "Pull up your pants, sonny, I can see your butt crack," and stuff like that? You can just fake senility if it has happened already.

Lourie said...

BWhahahahaha! I LOVE your picture! Pure awesomeness. I got the answer right, but then I have been up for a while.

I can just see this whole thing play out. You paint a very vivid picture.

Charlotte said...

Remind me not to shop at your Target. I never realize I'm being socially awkward 'til after the fact. At least you didn't claim to be a physical therapist...

Leanne said...

So funny . . . cracks me up funny! First the retarded test (which, by the way, I'm going to give to my 6 yr old . . .I'll be SO COOL!) and then the Target story. LOVE it!

Tom and Karen Mortensen said...

I think maybe you need to find another store. ha ha You always seem to have some interesting experiences. Thanks for the laugh.

Anna See said...

Ha ha ha!

Reminds me when my husband took my almost 2 yr old on a plane trip by himself. Women were falling all over themselves trying to help him. When I made the same trip, everyone just seemed pissed off at me for having a crying baby. :)

Jessica G. said...

I told one of the ladies at church that her long blonde hair was so pretty she ought to pose in a mermaid tail. And then I kinda slunk away, feeling a little more than awkward. At least I didn't mention seashell bras.

Fat, Female and Forty said...

You probably made that guy's day - except you should have told him you wanted his baby because she was so cute.

Queenie Jeannie said...

LOL!! I'm sorry but that is just soooo funny! I'm sure he liked the cute part though!!!

foxy said...

Oh how FUNNY. And the previous Target story... WEIRD. It definitely seems like a 'pay it forward' thing, but for creepiness.

MrsDixon said...

This is too funny!! I love all the excitement and joy that Target brings!!! What a great place to people watch/listen!

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

I make a terrible milk cow and so I've never had much need for nursing pads. But my husband has bought planty of extra large, overnight pads!
But that is funny! Maybe you should break up with Target for a week or two?

See Mom Smile said...

Serene bite your tongue!

alexis said...

Next time you talk to a stranger in target, make sure you're wearing a bathrobe and curlers. you'll come off a lot better.

Teachinfourth said...

Okay, this post made me laugh. Sometimes things we think are totally cool become 'strange' when we try to see it from the other person's perspective.

Or maybe he thought it was awesome as well after the creepiness factor wore off…

By the way, I came here via Abe's blog, so I'm totally not creepy.

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