5 yr old JarBear: Mommy I want to give you a retard test.
First I decided that now was not the time to tell him "retard" was not socially correct.
Me: Okay go ahead.
JarBear: A purple man lives in the purple house. A red man lives in the red house. A blue man lives in the blue house. So who lives in the white house?
I really was not sure where he was going with this and I hoped it was not a racial joke. But I looked at the source and decided to continue with the obvious.
Me: A white man.
Jar Bear, with much jubilation: No. The President! You're retarded!!
Great. He has figured out already that Mommy is one short of a six-pack. It usually takes them until at least 13.
So after I dumped loving dropped off kids at school I headed to Target. My love for it was not completely shattered by the molester.
As I was buying way more than I had originally planned I noticed an older couple (meaning, older than me!) talking above a whisper.
Her: She needs it now.
Him: Can't she wait until her wedding?
Her: She can't wait until June! They'll break off by then.
They were standing near the lingerie. That's all I'm saying.
So, as I was checking out, and no one was molesting my arm, I noticed a guy at the register that was one over from me. There was a toddler in his cart, no older than 18 mos and a newborn baby girl in his arms (she was wearing pink so I can assume it was a girl). There was no mama around and he was buying a ton of diapers AND nursing pads. How dang cute was that? I mentally added him to my Super Hero list along with Iron Man and Tampon Buying Man.
We were pushing our carts out at the same time. He was pushing with one arm, still holding his baby.
I could not help saying to him, "You're such a cute daddy and you buy nursing pads too! Do you need any help?" He just smiled and said no thanks.
As I walked to my car I thought "oh my gosh did I just say that?" First, I said he was cute. Then I mentioned what he had bought, which was already bagged at that point, so he knew I was watching him make his purchases. Then I asked if I could help. What was he going to do? Hand a complete stranger his baby?
He was probably thinking, "Okay creepy lady, get away from me and my kids." He probably then ran home to tell his wife he was never going to Target again to buy nursing pads. I just ruined everything for her. Maybe I should tell her about my molester and I won't seem so bad.