Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Why I Should Replace Simon

Unless you have been living under a rock or just don't care (which is way more likely) you know Simon is leaving American Idol after this season.  Say it isn't so!  Well it is so.  He has made his money and he is out of there and onto his next high  paying gig.  There have been some names floating about to replace him and they make me squirm.  So I have thought about it and I am willing to sacrifice my stay-at-home-mom-armchair-idol-critic title for the sake of the show and good reality TV.

I have watched Idol from the first bad audition to the last.  I have watched Paula speak incoherently and clap like a seal.  I have watched Randy praise his  "dogs" and wondered why he is considered cool.  I watched them bring in Kara who has not really added much but a talent for chair dancing.  Then there is Simon, the Dalai Lama of Idol whose good opinion is considered the first step to fame.  Besides the bad crew cut and English smirk, is Simon irreplaceable?  I think not.  There are many reasons why I could be the one.

1. I can wear more than just a black t-shirt and jeans.  While it has become his trademark look, for a bizillionare he can spring for a new color.

2. I can drastically change the demographic of the judge's table.  We have the "dog", the married but no kids songwriter and the comedian/ well, you know what else.  I think the married mom of six, who lives in real life, on a budget, uses coupons,  shops at Target,  would make it a well rounded crew.

3. I can be brutally honest when I need to be.  Just ask my kids,

You going out looking like that?


When is the last time you showered?


Girls like it when you brush your teeth.


Don't  pick that. It will scar.


Blow your nose.  I can see your boogies.


4.  Just like Simon I can use metaphors (is that what they're called?)

That sounded like my 5 year old doing karaoke to the Doodlebops


That sounded like my daughter crying because there is pee on the toilet seat and toenails in the sink.  


5.  I would work for much less than Simon.  It all goes back to the coupon and Target thing.


So, you get the point. When all is said, I would rather be on the stage than judging but I would have to be 20 years younger, 20 lbs lighter and sing 20 times better than I do in the shower.  So for now, while I am waiting for the Idol people to call,  I will settle for the stay-at-home-mom-armchair-idol-critic status.

13 comments:

panamamama said...

Thanks for making me smile today! Love the "toenails in the sink and pee on the seat" My poor 12 yr old daughter lives with two horribly messy brothers who never lift the lid.

Cyndi @ 6 Ring Circus said...

Thanks for stopping by my site! I am LOVING yours - you're right we have a lot in common, and not just an insane number of kids (love the "six kids by choice, insanity by default" tagline, BTW. Even more coincidental, I had that same Superman comic hanging over my desk forever. :o)

Double Wide Mom said...

You have made smile today as well! That is great and I believe you would be an awesome judge! Thanks for stopping by my blog!

Mary said...

I snorted at the "clap like a seal" line.

And Randy is not now, nor has he ever been considered cool. No. Just... No.

Charlene said...

Well - you certainly have my vote! Then again, I'm guessing if you REALLY want the job... you have to sleep with someone at Idol. (heehee)

Best,
Charlene
The Balance Beam

Kerry said...

Sam says that he's happy to sit down with you at the kitchen table and tell you how to *really* get it done. ;-)

Jill said...

so happy you came by and said hello.

i'd love for you to come back and visit anytime!

Serene is my name, not my life! said...

I've never watched Idol, but if when you become one of the critics, I so would.
Simon wouldn't hold a candle to you. He's never had to push a kid out between his legs before.

Linda said...

Thank you all. I promise to remember all the little people when I make it big :)

w said...

i'll totally support you on the decision to take simon's place. unfortunately, i won't watch you. because simon makes the show.

well. i'll watch. if you promise to laugh at everyone and tell them they suck. it's what i live for.

i'm really nice. i promise.

AB said...

I think reason #2 is the pivotal point to persuading the producers. I would watch more Idol than ever and have more fun doing it than ever before. I might not even have to hold my hubs hotage to make him watch anymore!

Sarah loves it all said...

I'll push for you too. I've watched idol almost every season and I agree with a lot of your points. Especially the ones about Paula!

val m said...

You would be a great addition!! You have my vote!!

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