Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Why I Should Replace Simon
I have watched Idol from the first bad audition to the last. I have watched Paula speak incoherently and clap like a seal. I have watched Randy praise his "dogs" and wondered why he is considered cool. I watched them bring in Kara who has not really added much but a talent for chair dancing. Then there is Simon, the Dalai Lama of Idol whose good opinion is considered the first step to fame. Besides the bad crew cut and English smirk, is Simon irreplaceable? I think not. There are many reasons why I could be the one.
1. I can wear more than just a black t-shirt and jeans. While it has become his trademark look, for a bizillionare he can spring for a new color.
2. I can drastically change the demographic of the judge's table. We have the "dog", the married but no kids songwriter and the comedian/ well, you know what else. I think the married mom of six, who lives in real life, on a budget, uses coupons, shops at Target, would make it a well rounded crew.
3. I can be brutally honest when I need to be. Just ask my kids,
You going out looking like that?
When is the last time you showered?
Girls like it when you brush your teeth.
Don't pick that. It will scar.
Blow your nose. I can see your boogies.
4. Just like Simon I can use metaphors (is that what they're called?)
That sounded like my 5 year old doing karaoke to the Doodlebops
That sounded like my daughter crying because there is pee on the toilet seat and toenails in the sink.
5. I would work for much less than Simon. It all goes back to the coupon and Target thing.
So, you get the point. When all is said, I would rather be on the stage than judging but I would have to be 20 years younger, 20 lbs lighter and sing 20 times better than I do in the shower. So for now, while I am waiting for the Idol people to call, I will settle for the stay-at-home-mom-armchair-idol-critic status.